Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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