what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
