the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
