Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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