You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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