I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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