The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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