just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
