I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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