they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
