she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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