I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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