then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
