so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
