her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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