I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
