Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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