dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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