I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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