I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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