I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
