I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
