So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
