there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
