Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
