Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Duck Duck Cougar?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize