if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
