i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize