I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
