Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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