did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize