Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
