Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
