Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
