there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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