he fucked my hip out of place.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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