I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
