This is not my ceiling
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
