I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
