Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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