Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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