so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
