Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I got chris browned last night
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
