sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
