We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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