I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
