OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
