apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
