Cold hands, warm shart.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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