it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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