once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
