I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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