you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
