No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
