I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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