hotel room ftw
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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