I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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