if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
