She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
