Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
