I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
