Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
