I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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