Is it normal to miss your booty call?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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