I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
