dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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