do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
