Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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