In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
