I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
