started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
