I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
