I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
