I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize