i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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