it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
