Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
