I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
