did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
