i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
