at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
