hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
