I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
