What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
