ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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