Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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