My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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