puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
