I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
