You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
