I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
