I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
