Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
