I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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