i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize