so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
