Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
pray to the hookup gods
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
