what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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