One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize