dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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