That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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