So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
