and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize