I want to stick my p in your. b.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
