fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
