There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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