hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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