Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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