ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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