I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
