Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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